PART 5
2nd Tool to becoming the change...
“ Be the change that you want to see in the world”- Gandhi
Today I will give you the next tool. The tool that I am about to share may seem like one of the easier tools to learn to apply…. It is not… it is a complex tool, and also the one most taken for granted. It is how and why you apply this tool rather than or how often you apply it. And in order to apply it correctly, you must know what makes it up. Don’t make the mistake of underestimating its ability to elicit change. . . it is the driving force of life. So..
The first tool was: Act without Expectation.
The second tool is: Always Act out of Love and Kindness
So combining the first and the second tools now, starting today, you will always be acting out of love and kindness, without expectations.
So when you are making a decision… just make sure that it’s intention is love and its end result is kindness.
Some people believe that “ Love” is just a feeling…. And, granted, while it is technically your body’s chemical response to certain emotional stimuli… Love is much more than that ….
Love is a choice. Choosing to love means choosing to be kind. To love means to understand selflessness. To show love, requires acceptance, and to stay in love, requires patience and perseverance.
And the most amazing part about love is that it is during our most intense feelings of selfless love that we become closest to God, and it’s when we finally begin to “know” Him and feel His presence.
An unknown author once said that “ Love conquers all.” And why is love so all powerful? Well because its really not Just love at all… You see,
Love is kind:
“ Do unto others as you would like to have done unto you.”-Sometimes we forget that this saying does not discriminate … and includes every single person you will ever encounter…despite what we feel they have earned or deserve and in spite of what they may have done to us. It carries with it the intention of universal application that spans race, ethnicity, gender, religion, and social status. So its always important to remember that The intentions behind your actions are the part that define who you are… and are just as important as how you choose to carry out those actions… Mother Theresa said: “ I am not sure exactly what heaven will be like, but I know that when we die and it comes time for God to judge us, he will not ask, ‘How many good things have you done in your life?’ rather He will ask, ( ‘why did you do them’)?” So practice random acts of kindness every single day, no matter what the response.
You know, sometimes, I feel as if all of my efforts at being kind to someone are misinterpreted or misread… and its really important to remember that when someone else chooses to sees the worst in you or what you are doing, it’s really much more about them and their experiences, than it is about you. So give them a break and let it go because, while you know your intentions, they don’t …and unfortunately, we live in a world where people don’t always have the best of intentions. So, just always do the right thing; the kind thing… no matter how others perceive it… “If you are humble nothing will touch you, neither praise nor disgrace, because you know what you are.”- Mother Theresa.
So spread love and kindness wherever you go… greet everyone with a smile and any words and actions of kindness that you feel are appropriate :) hold open more doors, hold the elevator, let cars pass in front of you, and always do it with a smile :)
“ Let us always meet each other with smile, for the smile is the beginning of love.” “ Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one ever come to you without leaving happier.” - Mother Theresa.
Love is selfless: Do kind things for selfless reasons. Selflessness is considerate, and it means putting another persons needs or wants before our own, for no reason other than to be kind. It is the desire to act, not wanting anything in return.
It’s harder to put this into action when it involves people that we interact with on a regular basis… but, remember that its because we tend to hold those that we are close to, to a higher standard…
Mother Theresa once said” I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.” So practice selflessness, even if you get hurt in the process, because, in the end, all that will remain is love…
Love does not judge: “If you judge people, you have no time to love them.” Mother Theresa …
There is only one person capable of knowing our actions, the reasons surrounding our actions, and the intentions behind our actions.. and that Person is God… so unless you are Him… stop judging others. Focus on yourself. When you judge others, your judgement is based on based on your opinion about how others should behave, act or react… acceptance is the approval of a person despite their behaviors or actions… in spite of those not being your ideal behaviors, actions, or reactions… And even if its not “ what you would do”
A perfect example of this is the subject of homosexuality. So many people go around passing judgement on whether its right or its wrong, when the only person that should be judging anybody, is God…and who do you think God is judging? The one who acts out of love or the one who act out of nonacceptance or hatred. I mean listen… I don’t know exactly what God approves of or disapproves of but I do know that… time and time again, the people that have been sent to teach us how to we are expected to treat others ( including and above all, Jesus) taught us one thing above all else… and that thing is acceptance. SO before you sit there and judge others, don’t forget that your judgment is wrong in and of itself. And don’t forget that everyone has room for improvement and no one is perfect. It’s better to accept that we can learn from the good in others, rather than constantly be seeking to point out the bad in them.
Love has Patience: A moment of patience during a moment of anger, saves a thousand moments of regret. Give people a break… not everyone moves at your speed, mentally or physically, nor is there any rule that says that they have to.
Sometimes you’re in a hurry for something to happen or for someone to understand what you are saying or feeling … and other times, you’re the one slowing people down and not getting them… it’s a part of life, and if you are genuinely treating others in the way that you want to be treated, then you are going to be showing them patience and understanding. Try to put yourself in other’s shoes before you insult them for the manner in which they are walking.
You know who’s super patient? God… and my faith in Him has never ever wavered, but I can’t say the same thing when it comes to my faith in humanity and no matter how bad things have been to get me to that point, He has always found a way to make sure that my faith in humanity is restored. Just don’t ever underestimate the amount of patience it takes for Him to keep believing in us even when we don’t deserve it.
Love does take from another: Love others and want what is best for them, despite what you have or what you lack, because love always wants what is best for others. Always make sure that when you like something that someone has so much that you want it, that you “ want it too” rather than wishing that you were the one who had it instead. Its really that simple. And as long as you try your very honest, best to do something or get something… you will always end up exactly with what, with who, and where you are meant to be. Remember that God gives us what we need in order to provide us with eh best opportunities to grow and eventually ( hopefully) become the best people that we can be, so always be thankful for what we do have, rather than focusing on all of the things that we don’t.
Love gives the benefit of the doubt: Give a person the benefit of the doubt, until they give you reason enough to doubt the benefit.
Our learned default as human beings is to assume the worst in others, but Love requires that we seek the good and the positive in them… in the way that we would want other to do for us. For example, cars cut me off almost daily, and instead of getting upset, I reason that they may have an emergency, because I know what it feels like to have an emergency on the road and you can’t get to where you need to be.
Giving someone the benefit of the doubt doesn’t mean that the person is deserving of that benefit… it means that you are being a good person by giving it to them. You are treating another person in the way that you would want them to treat you.
So after you have given someone the benefit of the doubt…what happens if they wrong you? Forgive them. Because…
Love is Forgiving: We ask God to treat us in the way that we treat others…to forgive us for the things that we do that make him sad or upset, in the same way that we forgive others who do those things to us … Forgiveness is a widely misunderstood virtue. To forgive, does not mean remaining in the same situation that caused you pain, but but it does sometimes require you to swallow your pride. Forgiveness isn’t just about helping the person who hurt you heal, it is also about healing yourself, because at the end of the day, when we choose to Carry anger and resentment with us… it is us who carry it, and not her person who caused it.
Sometimes people may hurt us in minor ways… But, sometimes people hurt us in unimaginable ways…and in either situation, in order to forgive, you have to accept, in your heart, that people are imperfect and still learning, and although it isn’t your job to teach them or change them, it is your responsibility to forgive them. So, release the anger and replace it with mercy and compassion, and hope that they find their way, it is your choice whether you stick around to help them find it. Never forget that those who are the hardest to love, are the ones that need it the most, even if it means loving them from afar.
And when you find yourself struggling to forgive people for things that they’ve done, don’t forget that Jesus forgave the people that tortured him and put him to death. That’s the ultimate example and it makes most of the things that we find hard to forgive seem more forgivable.
Love is not proud: Pride is essential when it comes to work or when it comes to the pride that we feel for others, but the love of one’s own excellence, will cost you everything that you have but will leave you with nothing. “ It is a spiritual cancer: it eats up the very possibility of love, or contentment, or even common sense.”- C.S. Lewis
Never be too proud to acknowledge that you are imperfect, always try and understand where someone else is coming from…and never be too proud to say “ I’m sorry.”
Love is Honest: Honesty is a gift that requires polishing. It is not what we say so much as how we say it.
Believe it or not, most of the time that you are get upset at others for something that they said or did… the anger or uneasiness that remains long after the situation is over, usually comes from your frustrations about your beta for in that situation… like how you didn’t speak up for yourself, or say how you felt, or put a stop to it. It can also come from the shame that you might feel for how you did address things. And in the end, we can never forget that it is our own actions that we have to live with, and not the actions of others.
Now, the key is in learning how to speak Kindly and honestly. Watch your tone, watch your words…. But always remember that you matter too. And don’t be too concerned with the reaction that you get or getting the result that you want… Whats important is that you speak out, so that in the end you feel satisfied, because you said something about what was bothering or affecting you. And in the case that you are kind in your assertions, and you get a negative reaction….remember that how a person treats you says more about them…and how you react, says more about you.
One final thing, You cannot control what others feel, how others think, or how others see you…. But you can control who you are, what you do, and why you do things. So always remember to focus on yourself and your growth and betterment. Lead by example, and do your best to live every day to the best of your abilities. Always act out of love and kindness, without expectations.
…And be sure in your heart, to perform those acts with the intention to make a difference in others by how you behave…
It's not how much we give but how much love we put into giving.- Mother Theresa
Above all, love and worship God and continue to work towards bettering yourself in His eyes.